SANTA DON’T SURF
December 27, 2007 on 12:58 pm | In Surfing |
SANTA DON’T SURF
Now is quite obviously the time of year when all good surfers send their Christmas wish list to Santa and hope for the best on Dec 25.
Here’s my own Christmas list, one that I figure wouldn’t too far off those of most average British surfers.
1. A year of clean, glassy surf of the size of my own choosing – some days big, some days small, some days in between but NO days flat.
2. A board to suit all the conditions that might occur during the above year, and even better, one that doesn’t use petrochemicals in its construction, is ding proof and also has a nice spray job (just as an aside – whatever happened to surfboard art? These days of Surftech and the rest it seems to be a dying skill…)
3. A new wetsuit that works in all conditions, is super stretchy, warm and comfy and never stinks of p**s. Although I would hope a good proportion of my summer sessions required little more than boardies to be honest.
4. A surf vehicle to carry me to the waves. Ideally something that does at least 50 to the gallon thus being both cheap(ish) to run and environmentally friendly, also has plenty of room to install double bed, shower, fridge and cooker and does 0-60 in less than eight seconds.
5. A marked acceleration in global warming since this will, apparently, bring warmer waters and bigger waves to the
UK’s shores.
6. And finally, enough wax to see me through the year.
Having re-read that list, one thing stands out – that Santa clearly don’t surf. Now I guess this should be pretty obvious of a guy who is the same shape as a pool ball, well over a hundred years old and lives at the North Pole, but there are a few other things that give the game away too.
Namely that of all six items on my Christmas list, he’s only ever likely to leave one in the sock at the end of my bed on Christmas morning – the wax.
Because let’s face it, the perfect do-it-all board, wetsuit and surf vehicle don’t exist and never will, and I really don’t imagine that there’s anywhere in the world where you will find quality waves 365 days of the year (although Scotland will at least provide three figure sums in terms of wave consistency as long as you don’t mind travelling for your surf fix).
As for the wish for yet more global warming – well, that’s just daft (not like the rest of my list then…).
So if all Santa can bring me this Christmas is a year’s supply of surf wax it’s quite clear that here is a man who is not in touch with the world of surf. There again, a sock full of wax isn’t to be sniffed at, so mustn’t complain.
And who knows, if we’re really lucky we might just get a good swell on December 25 – which is about as good a Christmas pressie as you could have really.
Happy Christmas!
Alf Alderson
http://www.alfalderson.co.uk
Multi-award-winning freelance journalist and author of Surf UK - the definitive guide to surfing in Britain.
